Step-On-A-Bug-Cute

I have moved

2007-10-14T20:06:00.000-05:00

I finally went and made a wordpress blog. So go there.

Say cheese!

2007-10-14T11:51:00.000-05:00

So Smooshy.

A bonus bath day

2007-10-12T11:37:00.000-05:00

**Baby poop alert.**

Holy Crap. Literally. I kinda thought I had this whole diapering thing down after the almost 3 months of constant diapering. I guess I was wrong. Who knew it could defy gravity like that? NASA has got to start studying this stuff.

It sounded like a normal baby poop. I waited a little bit to make sure she was finished. Then I laid her on the changing mat. All normal so far. Then I noticed something on her onesie near her belly button. I unsnapped and OMG. It had all come up the front. All up out of the diaper and somehow down her leg. There was a lot and it was gross.

After staring for a little bit wondering exactly where to start, I grabbed a wipe. I figured I'd get the biggest mess on first. One swipe and that wipe was out of commission. So I grabbed another and another and another. I put them in the diaper once they were used. Then Eliana's hand got all in the mess. So I wiped that off before she stuck it in her mouth (if she had, I would have thrown up right there) and moved the diaper. I kinda moved it around her head, but a wipe full of nasty poop fell out and now she had poop in her hair. Of course. By this time I knew I was in over my head. I needed an extra set of hands. I'm kinda thinking Amalah had the right idea for a superpower. I wiped as much as I could (no where near all of it) and started looking around for a diaper disposal option. There was no way I could wrap it up all nice and neat and get it in the diaper pail. I needed a plastic bag. Those were in the kitchen. I had to run to get one, screaming "Don't roll over! Don't roll over!" the entire way. She obliged.

I get back and dispose of the nastiness. I knew she needed a bath. There is no wipe in the world that was gonna be able to get poop out of her hair. I picked her up facing out (I had thoroughly cleaned the poop off the back part, so it didn't get on me) and we headed to the kitchen (where the baby tub lives). I had to position the tub over the sink, under the faucet, making sure it wouldn't fall in the other side. No easy feat when you're doing it one-handed. I managed and was pretty proud of myself. I filled it, checked the temperature and plopped her in. I figured the worst was over. We did the normal washing stuff and I got all the nastiness off of her. When I went to lean her forward to wash her back, she decided she didn't want to. So I took my hand off the front of her. She changed her mind about the leaning, so she plowed herself in the side of the tub. Then the crying started. I moved her back and she started crying. So I'm trying to get the poop out of her hair while she's screaming at me and I'm trying to soothe her and AAAHHHH! Ugh. We managed. I had to get a towel. When she gets her bath at night, Tony brings the towel and I pick up the wet wiggly baby and hand her to him. It's our thing. This time I had to figure out how to hold the towel, get her out and wrap her up by myself. For the record, yes, I had to leave her, but I didn't even leave the room, there was barely any water in the tub and I watched her the whole 3 seconds it took to get the towel. I managed to lean back letting gravity hold the towel against me while I picked her up and didn't drop her and got all wet in the process but we were done. I dried her off (she's still screaming cuz she's cold), put on a clean diaper and dry clothes and we were done.

Right then Tony walked in the door. I wanted to kill him for his lucky timing. Not fair. And remembering all that to write it out has made me very, very tired.

Mommy-hood is gross.

I am so not wearing the tights

2007-10-09T23:20:00.000-05:00

Since Tony's in the Navy, I always thought it would be great to be able to teleport. I figured whenever he was deployed, I could pop into whatever port he was at or even just pop into his rack at night (although that would be a thing since have you seen the size of a rack? I mean, c'mon.). Granted this was pre-mommyhood, so it wouldn't be as easy now. It'd still rock though.

I wouldn't have to fear "I hate my car seat days". (These are my biggest annoyances since I can't let her cry and if you're in the middle of rush hour traffic and the car seat time limit expires badbadbadbadbad. Because she has this cry that she knows makes me want to cut my own heart out and theres nothing I can do about it. I would lovelovelove to avoid those.)

And I could teleport to Guam and eat at King's. That would kick ass. I could get all sorts of culture (food) from every place I miss. Like Krystals. And waffle house. And Red Robin. Am hungry now.

I mentioned here that I always feel like I miss out on family stuff. If I could teleport, I wouldn't have to miss anything. Thursday night dinners at Mom's? No problem. Step-mom bugging me to visit again? (Ok, not as much fun but you get it) Fine. It's faster and cheaper than flying. I could visit all the places I've wanted to see with out 15 hour plane flights with a baby and impatient husband (he seriously yelled at an old man and almost pushed him out of the way to get off a plane once...I think he may be slightly claustrophobic). I could visit old friends and stay in touch easier. Oh! And vengence on mean xbf! Key his car and teleport the hell outta there. That would be awesome. Am petty like that.

I know they say "it's not about the destination, it's about the journey" (or something like that), but I think "they" are people who haven't traveled for 10 days in a tiny car with their dad, step-mom and brother; camping out every night. I've already done the journeying. Not my thing. Just get me there and I'll be happy.

There's unselfish uses of teleportation too. Like using less gas. And ummm...other noble things I can't think of right this very moment. I'm sure there's tons.

I'm mostly in it for the selfish stuff. I'd totally go pick you up some Krystal's though. And maybe I could wear a cape.

**Courtesy of this week's writing challenge from the cafemom group.

I didn't forget about you

2007-10-07T00:40:00.000-05:00

Obviously I didn't sneak away to the bedroom to blog. In fact, I only popped on a couple of times to *try* to catch up on reading the many blogs on my google reader. It didn't really happen. When I finally got to it yesterday I had 218 posts (yes, some was youtube stuff and celebrity gossip stuff but still). And I needed a day to recover from the visit. Was most tired needed many naps. Even Eliana slept a lot.

I missed de-lurk day. I would have loved to leave the security of my google reader to ooh and ahh over pretty blog layouts far superior to my own and maybe comment my butt off. But I missed it. I may just make Tuesday make-up de-lurk day. Maybe. (I make no promises since the baby can be demanding and yelly sometimes.)

So visit was nice. My mom is awesome and Kelly was great. She barely let me hold the baby the whole time. But if I asked, she always handed her over. Other than a few snide remarks (commenting that maybe I keep the house too cold for the baby and that "I would give you a taste of mashed potatoes but you mom won't let me" blah blah blah) everything was great. Tony and I even got to get out for a few hours (away from the baby and despite what my step-mother insinuates, it does not make me a bad mother I'd appreciate you to shut up and butt out thank you much!). After I heard that she was happy and smiling and not crying, I was able to relax and enjoy myself. And all we talked about was the baby and then went shopping to find a toy for her we are lame.

I was sad and happy when they left. Sad because since I live here and they live there, I always feel left out of the family things. I miss them. It was nice being around people who helped create the bathroom fungus and was there when I stood naked at my back door while my house burned down around me (another time, I promise). Happy because I missed my normal, everyday life. Also, I need to rebuild my mommy confidence. My mother raised 4 girls. She and I have different parenting styles, and that's ok. But some things she would say made me second-guess myself. Kelly has a degree in Early Childhood Education and is so good with kids and babies (and crappy with adults, but that's not the point). She would scoff at me if I didn't know how to do something (like hold my pinky finger in Eliana's mouth for her to suck)(what do I care...that's why God invented pacifiers). So yeah, good and bad. Still have to build the mommy-confidence, but I'm sure it'll come back.

I'm so glad to be able to blog again. I'm supposed to be folding laundry with Tony right now, but I ditched him for you. I missed you and don't want you to forget about me.

I'll have more stuff tomorrow. I have to tell you about the birds and the peeing. And pictures.

HA!

2007-09-29T23:36:00.000-05:00

Just after I published the last post, I scrolled down and there was the rolling over video. And since I think Eliana is so cute (and she's sleeping and maybe I miss her), I decided to play that video. In it, you can hear me talking. Tony turns around from the desk and asks, "Is that her?" pointing to the baby monitor. I said, "Is what her? The talking?" He nods his head. And I say "You mean our 2 month old baby?" He nods again asking "Is that her?"

Yes Tony, she rolls over and has started talking.

I miss you already

2007-09-29T23:26:00.001-05:00

My mother and sister will be here tomorrow to meet Eliana. I'm so excited! My mom is awesome and Kelly's nice once you get to know her. Well, maybe not nice to adults, but she's great with kids. And this means Tony and I get to go out together. By ourselves. Without the baby. For the first time ever. Or at least since she was born. Am nervous.

So, my point. My family does not know about my blog. I don't think they would care really, except I maybe curse too much. I just want to have the option to complain about them someday. And if they read it, that's out the window. In fact, there is only one person in my real life that reads this. And I would like to keep it that way. OK, 2 people if you count Tony. So I probably won't be blogging until they leave on Thursday. Or maybe I'll just take the laptop into the bedroom and blog in private. It'll be our little secret. Shhh. Don't tell.

But if I can't sneak away or I'm too busy having fun, then I shall miss you and think of you fondly. Smooches to ya!

PS. Did I mention we have to drive 2 and a half hours to pick them up and 2 and a half hours back with the baby in the car in her carseat that she kinda hates? Am very very scared. Please pray for non-fussy, happy baby day. kthnxbye

Therapy

2007-09-27T10:25:00.000-05:00

Miss, from the cafemom group, has asked me (ok, everyone, but I'm part of the group, so me too) to post a blog about abuse. And since I'm nothing if not obedient (HA!), I've decided to participate. And I've been intending to write this post for a while. Now I have an excuse.

I was 19 years old and living on Guam. I'd lived there since I was 14 (and from 9-11 years old). Since I was 19 and so grown-up, I moved out of my parent's house and in with a friend. Ok, acquaintance. It was terrible. I hated living there so much. So when I met him (we'll call him SF)(that stands for Shit Face), I may have rushed a little into the relationship. I wanted out of where I was. Everything moved so fast. We started living together right away. And everything was good. For a little while.

The first time it happened, it didn't seem so bad. He punched me in the arm. Hell, my sister had done that a million times. Granted, she never left a big, purple bruise, but he was a guy. Didn't know his own strength. And he apologized. I can't remember the second time. Or the third. Or the 30th.

I remember once I accidentally forgot to turn the stove off. We both went to work. He got home before me and called me at work, yelling. Said I shouldn't bother going home. I knew what was coming, so I decided to stay at my parent's house. But when I got off work, he was there. We sat in his car in the parking lot. He didn't say a word. He backhanded me across the face. I tried to get out, but he grabbed my hair and slammed my face into the steering wheel 4 or 5 times.

Another time I dropped my pager into the toilet. It was going to cost $50 to get a new one. So the day we picked it up, he tells me how stupid I was. And the he beat me in the car all the way home. His mother was in the front seat at the time. She yelled at him to stop, but he barely noticed her. It was the first time he'd hit me in front of her. I thought she would have been upset about it. But she really didn't seem too surprised. I found out later that his father had beat his mother all the time.

On Mother's Day I called my mom from work. We talked for a while and all of a sudden I told her that SF beats me. I don't know why. I have no idea where it came from. I didn't intend to tell anyone. She told me to tell my dad* what I had just said. I will never forget what he said to me. He said, "Ok, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna pick you up from work and we're gonna bring boxes. We're gonna go to your house and get your things and you're coming to stay with us." I told him it wasn't necessary (I was moving to Alaska in 3 months, so I figured I would tough it out until then) and that I would be fine. Then he said, "No, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna pick you up from work and we're gonna bring boxes. We're gonna go to your house and get your things and you're coming to stay with us." I insisted that I would be fine and not to worry about me. He said, "You're not listening. This IS what we're going to do." I said, "ok".

They never even waited for me to get off work. My boss let me leave early. My parent's seemed very.....kick-ass is the only word that comes to mind. They were eager and excited. I was scared. I didn't know what would happen, but I did know SF's propensity for drama. When we got there, I opened the door and he was watching TV. He looked up and said he was just about to pick me up from work and how did I get home. Then he saw my parent's. He asked, "What's going on?" He looked very wary and nervous. All I could say was "I'm sorry". My mother and I went to the bedroom and started throwing my stuff together. Not even all my stuff. Just whatever was within reach. My dad stayed out with SF. He said "I know what you've been doing to my daughter". I don't know what was said after that. My dad had, apparently, called the cops earlier to let the know what was about to happen (taking me away from abusive boyfriend) and had them on stand-by just in case. SF grabbed a japanese sword that was hanging on the wall and went into the bathroom and locked the door (propensity for drama). My dad called the cops. When they got there they asked if I wanted to press charges. If I could go back in time and re-live that one moment I would say "Yes, take the fucker to jail". But I was upset and confused and emotional. So I told them "No, I just want to get my stuff and leave". So we did.

When I got home, my sisters had made up a place for me to sleep. And they stayed up hugging me and talking to me and trying to make me laugh. When SF tried to call the next day, one of my sisters would answer and tell him to go fuck himself (they were 17, 15, and 13 at the time and they were awesome). His aunt (who we had rented from) even called to tell me I had to get the rest of my stuff. She tried to sneak in that this (beating your significant other) was just how things were handled and if I just didn't mess up so much, he wouldn't hit me. I told her if she wanted to get slapped around, she was welcome to it, but I was done. We went over later to get the rest of my things. I called the airline and had my ticket changed so I could leave the following month. He stalked me for a while after that. It was never menacing. He was trying to get me back. Once I got over the emotional crap, that was never gonna happen.

I wonder to this day why I stayed so long. Did I think I could change him? Did I pity him? His father beat his mother. Did I think he couldn't help himself? I honestly don't know. I missed my youngest sister's 8th grade graduation because I had a black eye and a fat lip. I told her I was sick. I think about that all the time. She forgave me. But I feel so guilty that I let him do that to me.

It completely changed who I was. I spent the next 10 months in Alaska using men. I always said since I was using them, I wasn't a slut. But I was. I guess I was acting out or reclaiming my freedom or whatever. I wasn't really dealing. After too long of that I had to leave. I needed to fix myself. I moved to Oregon. I met Tony. I got better. I was still very controlling and it's only been in the last year or so that I've eased up. I blamed all men (including Tony) for what SF did to me. I took out my anger on Tony all the time. I really don't know why he stayed.

I don't know if I'd really want to change what happened, since it made me who I am today. But I know I wouldn't want that for my sisters. Or my mother. Or my daughter. I hope she is smart enough to avoid my mistake. I hope she makes better choices that I did. But if she doesn't, I hope she's strong enough to leave.

*He's technically my step-dad, but for this and a million other reasons, he'll always be my Dad

Eliana Update...This time with math!

2007-09-26T19:49:00.000-05:00

So today was make-up doctor appt day. Nothing too exciting. She weighs 10lbs 10oz (50th percentile), she's 23.25" long (75th percentile) and her head circumference is 39.5cm (70th percentile). I don't know why they do head circumference in centimeters. Maybe they're British. So she's fine. Better than fine. The doc commented on her many many birth marks. Ok, 3. But still...there was commenting. And her belly button is fine (there were worries about the cord not coming off completely)(those worries were mine). The doctor said yay rolling over. Those may not have been her exact words, but close enough. She said most babies don't start until 4 months. Way to go my kid. Other than the diaper leaking and having to change her out of her to be seen in public cute girly outfit to her whatever I happen to have in the diaper bag outfit, all went well. She even slept in the car on the way home. I know what you're thinking. But really, she was fussy this morning and all night (OMG the fussy!) so things really do even out. And now she is asleep. And this post took me 3 hours to write. Am done now will write again tomorrow love you bye bye.

I guess I was wrong

2007-09-25T14:17:00.000-05:00

Looks like it didn't take long for her to start doing it consistently. I am so proud!! This was the 5th time in a row (and the second that I got on video). Good job Eliana!!!!

ETA: I posted the second video because the first one was filled my screams and giggles and I didn't think you'd want to hear me acting a fool.

Looking Back

2007-09-25T11:24:00.000-05:00

Dear Teenage Sabrina,

If you keep eating like that you will grow up to be a big cow. So quit it. Your grown up self does not appreciate having to lose all the weight now. You aren't fat (yet). I don't know why your self esteem is low. There really is no reason for it. Don't feel so bad about yourself. Life is way too short.

Don't start smoking. It's not good for you and it's a pain in the ass to quit. Your breath will stink, your teeth will look like crap and your hair will smell like an ashtray. You will spend a lot of time by yourself away from the group since no one else will be a smoker. Cigarettes are going to get very very expensive and you will be poor. It does not make you look more grown up or cool. It makes you look like a stupid kid. So don't even go there.

Butt out of Vickie's life. Save your breath. She will not listen to you, so let her make her own mistakes. And saying "I told you so" is not attractive. I know it may not seem so now, but you 2 will grow to be a lot closer. She will start looking up to you, so be a good example for her.

Be nicer to all your sisters. You're the oldest and you should know better. Amy is young and so willing to please. You should not take advantage of her sweet nature. She could grow up resenting you, but she won't because she's so much better of a person than you (for now). Oh and when she says she's got the shotput, she doesn't. Don't let go. It'll hurt her toe. A lot. And you know that defense mechanism you have (the uncontrollable laughing)...it will make her feel worse. And you will feel like an ass.

While we're at it, don't tell Tess you don't like her haircut. She'll get pissed at you. And really, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. And oh! Don't make out with that guy at homecoming. You will regret it the next day. And for the rest of your life. Cuz ewww.

There are more things that I could tell you to avoid, but I think they would change who you end up being. And I don't want that. I like us (for the most part). And what I don't like, I'll change. And you should too.

Always,
Older Sabrina

This letter is inspired by this weeks writing challenge from Amy at the cafemom group.

Brought to you by the letter "B"

2007-09-25T10:35:00.000-05:00

Bottle
Boppy
Binky
Bumbo
Bassinet
Breastmilk
Bouncer
Burp Cloth
Baby

Saying this 20 times a day gets very annoying.

A Comparison

2007-09-23T22:00:00.000-05:00

I guess some things haven't changed much since then.

Shitty storybook values

2007-09-23T21:43:00.000-05:00

Part of our nightly routine is story time. We have this book with a bunch of 5 minute stories and I read 1 every night. Most of the stories are ones I've never heard of. Some are good, some are sucky. Tony and I discuss each one after to decide if it'll ever be worth reading again. Tonight's story was "Thumbelina". Now, I'll admit it's been a few (lots) years since I've read this particular story, and I honestly don't remember much about it. And maybe I read a different version.

Basically Thumbelina gets adopted by some lady. The lady takes care of her and raises her and all that. So one day Thumbelina gets kidnapped by this frog cuz he wants to marry her. She escapes and ends up in this meadow where she decides to live (remember this for later). Winter comes so she shacks up with some mouse. Then she finds a swallow with a broken wing and takes care of it for the rest of the winter. Spring comes and the swallow decides to help her and takes her to this clearing in the woods where there are all these fairies. They all want her to stay cuz she's so pretty and they want to make her their princess. She decides to stay with them and they make her into a fairy and she lives happily ever after.

First of all, what the hell? You're gonna get kidnapped and when you finally escape you're not even gonna try to get back home?? Ok, fine. It's winter. Maybe traveling isn't a good idea when you're 3 inches tall. I get it. But spring comes and this swallow can fly you where ever and you don't even try to stop by and tell your poor mother you're alive? And then you get in with some fairy gang and don't even think about your mouse friend who took care of you all winter. And did I mention not going home to see your mother?

And what exactly is that story teaching my daughter? Don't worry about your mom. Go off and live your life and forget that you're breaking your mother's heart.

Thumbelina is an ungrateful bitch.

I may be slightly hormonal.

My baby is the awesomest baby in the whole world

2007-09-21T21:45:00.000-05:00

Before I get into this, I'm going to warn you. I will be bragging like crazy. Tons. My kid is awesome. I've always thought she was, so this isn't new. Today, she just happens to be more awesome than usual. I am so proud of her I feel like I'm going to burst.

Eliana rolled over. All by herself. Without my help. This makes me so proud (she is 2 months and 4 days old, ya'll) and so very very sad. She did it without my help she's growing up she doesn't need me anymore waaaahhhh! Anyways. We were doing tummy time. I don't really do this often cuz frankly, I don't think about it. But she didn't seem to be too pissed off, so I figured we'd do it for a while and be done. I laid her down and she lifted her head and her chest like she always does and looked around. She was ok with it. Not thrilled, but not pissed. After a while, she started getting fussy. So I got myself up off the floor. By the time I got up (I say that like it took me 20 minutes cuz I'm so huge, but it didn't and I'm not...maybe I am, but it still didn't take 20 minutes) she didn't seem quite so fussy, so I decided to give her a little longer. I started telling her to roll over and she did! She looked surprised that she did it. I was shocked too. We may have done a little jig. And by "may", I mean we totally danced like fools all around the house. When I told my dad he kept saying I must have helped or that she was on a pillow, so I'm taking this time to say I never touched her and she was flat on the floor. So there. I get that this was probably a fluke and she won't do it consistently for a while. But my little girl did it on her own for the first time and I don't care why. I'm going to be proud of her. Yay Eliana!

AND (yes, there's more). I was holding her and we were looking at ourselves in the mirror. We do this every day. She's not usually a fan of it. I think she thinks that baby in the mirror is some "other" baby and she gets jealous or whatever when I talk about how pretty she is. Today she was just looking. Like she was trying to figure her out. So I told her, "Why don't you give her a big smile and see what happens." Eliana kept looking for another couple seconds and then breaks out into this HUGE smile. She was so cute. Then of course she saw the "other" baby smiling and she was all like, "What're you smiling at?" But I would just like to say she is so my monkey.

AND (hard to believe, but yes, there's more). I was getting Eliana's bath ready while Tony was keeping her occupied. All of a sudden I hear her LAUGH. She has never done this! So I ran into the livingroom and she did it again!!! Like a real laugh! I don't even know what Tony did to make that happen, but whatever it was must have been hilarious. I can not tell you how proud I am. If you saw me, you'd say I was beaming.

Needless to say we've had a busy, milestone-filled day. Maybe she'll start walking tomorrow or be president or go to the moon. Don't worry, I have no intention of ever being that mother. She can go back to rarely smiling and occasionally cooing and I'll be happy. But if she wants to roll over again, I'm good with that too. As long as she waits for me to get the video camera out.

How we got here

2007-09-20T17:25:00.000-05:00

You know that commercial that says, "Having a baby changes everything"? I have always hated that. Mostly because when it came out, Tony and I were in the midst of trying to conceive and it was like a slap in the face. Since we were dealing with infertility and 4+ years of trying, I figure I was allowed to hate that commercial. This is the first time I've ever blogged about my experience. I wasn't sure if there was even a point, since now we have Eliana. She makes it all worth it. I don't think trying longer makes my parenting different. In fact, I almost feel like having her wiped away all of the anger and tears and heartache we went through to get her. Maybe that's why I need to blog it. It was an important time in my life. I know people who are still praying for their miracle. So maybe I need to write it all down so I don't forget what got me here.

Tony and I got married in 2002 and pretty much started trying right away. Well, I tried, he didn't prevent which is just as good to me. I knew it wouldn't be easy. Without getting into much detail, when you're a woman and something is missing every month and you're not pregnant, you know there's something wrong. I think I knew even before that. So we tried and I avoided the doctor. Frankly, I was scared. I didn't want to hear that there was something wrong with me. I thought they'd tell me I had cancer or something else just as terrifying. So I put it off and hid my head in the sand and took test after test praying I could just get pregnant and not have to go see a doctor. Sadly, no.

Then we moved to Texas (the first time) and I went to the doctor. I let go of denial and faced the crappy reality. I was broken and we needed help. So my doc (love her so much) ran tests and took blood and asked questions and I was diagnosed with PCOS. My ovaries have an attitude. She gave me 3 options: lose weight and hope that kicks my ovaries into gear, start taking metformin and hope that kicks my ovaries into gear, start taking metformin and clomid and hope that kicks my ovaries into gear. The whole losing weight thing wasn't appealing. Not because I didn't want to lose weight, but because I was stressed enough and didn't need the pressure of dieting and exercising and who am I kidding, I'm just lazy. And the clomid seemed scary. Like if it didn't work I'd be out of options quick. So we decided on the met.

I started taking it and ugh. The first couple of weeks is not fun. I won't go into it, but suffice it to say "ugh". But it started working. I started getting my "visitor" almost regularly. And month after month after month I still got negative tests. So that's how it went for 2 years. Then we moved to Washington. I met with another doc and had my records sent over. I told him I wanted the clomid, but he was an ass and made me wait until January. This is why I'm not a fan of men gyno's. That and they can not possibly understand. That may not be fair, but when it comes to my girly parts, equality does not come into play. So again with the negative tests month after month. Until January. We did the clomid. And I ovulated!! And it couldn't have been more perfect. And the test was still negative! Fucking pregnancy tests. And did I mention that Tony deployed right after that??? That was the last cycle we got for 6 months. Skip ahead 6 months to Tony coming home. We do the clomid again. And I ovualted so good. My ovaries were all cooperative and shit. And I loved them for it. And then Tony had to go out again for 3 weeks. Because, you know, 6 months wasn't quite enough and the Navy sucks.

So I was all alone again. My temp was still up. So I tested. And it was positive. And the next one was positive. And the next 2 were negative. Because of course it wasn't going to be easy. The next day I took 4 more tests and 3 were negative and 1 was positive. This wasn't looking good. And damn. So I waited 2 more days. And then I took 2 more tests. And they were both positive. And I wasn't tempting fate by taking any more.

I emailed Tony and told him he was gonna be a daddy. Sweet, I know. To be honest, that part didn't matter. We always felt that it didn't matter how we got there, just that we did. I had a doc's appt on base and they told me I really was pregnant. Then I had an appt with my gyno and he told me I was pregnant and showed me this:

I emailed that to Tony too. He printed it out and kept it on his desk. When he got home and we celebrated by packing up and moving back to Texas. We're a wild couple, I tell you.

That's our journey in a nutshell. A small nutshell. To really get it you'd have to add in an ocean of tears, a thousand fights, and a year of days that I hated every pregnant woman ever. I was bitter. I was pissed and bitter for a long time.

But now I have Eliana. She's perfect and beautiful and brilliant. I barely remember everything we went through to get here. It feels like she's always been a part of our family.

It makes me sad that there are still so many women waiting for their miracle. It makes me sad that my friend had to spend this week crying and angry. It isn't fair. She deserves her miracle. I hope that she is as lucky as I have been.

This is not where this post was supposed to go. I'm pretty sure I had intended to talk about parenting and throw in my nephew and the problem my sister is currently having with him and ask for internet advise. Guess I'll have to do that one tomorrow. Hopefully my nephew won't beat anyone up until then. And hopefully my sister's head won't explode. I'll keep you posted on that front.

Tony goes to Walmart

2007-09-18T15:36:00.000-05:00

*Ring Ring*

Tony: Hello

Me: Hi. Could you do me a favor?

Tony: Sure

Me: Could you stop by Walmart on your way home and pick up some garlic bread and pads.

Tony: Sure.

Me: kthnxbye

A little while later:

Holy crap, Tony. Going a little overboard?

2 Month Update

2007-09-18T13:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Eliana was officially 2 months old. Which makes today 2 months and 1 day. Which makes me a day late posting this. Whatever.

Tony took the day off cuz there was no way I was dealing with her first shots by myself. The only available appt was early. Needed to leave the house by 7:30. Would have been fine, but Tony woke me up at 7am and said "Go take a shower". Also would have been fine, except the baby had only just woke up and needed to be fed. Tony's a great dad, but growing boobs and lactating is something he only does in his dreams. Fed baby. Got dressed. No shower.

When we got to the clinic, this guy immediately came up and asked if we'd got the message. I immediately told him he COULD NOT CANCEL. So they decided to reschedule the appt part, and do the shots anyway. I guess they'd called Tony's cell while he was in the shower. Whatever.

So after waiting for an hour (I hate them) we finally got to go back. I convinced them to weigh her (10lbs 4 oz..was told this is fine for 2 months and I hate everyone who keeps telling me she looks so tiny all ya'll can kiss my ass) and then it was time for shots.

I was not looking forward to this. I spent all morning not looking forward to this. I was nauseous all morning. And every time I let myself think about what was about to happen I had to choke back the tears. There are a lot of cries I can handle, but the pain cry is not one of them. I had given her tylenol, but I knew that wasn't going to make it any better. The lady was nice enough. She looked like she was 19, which did not enhance my calm. I even asked her if she'd ever done this before. She looked insulted, but she, too, can kiss my ass this is my little girl we're talking about. She assured me she had done this lots of times (I just know she was lying). So she starts with this liquid oral medicine stuff. She was really good about that. Talked to Eliana the whole time and smiled at her. Eliana swallowed and smiled and cooed (poor girl..if she'd only known what that lady was about to do to her). But that did make me feel better. At least she wasn't like that bitch at the hospital who took Eliana's blood (PKU) and didn't even try to soothe her or make her feel better.

After she drank all that stuff down, it was time for the very not fun part. I had been fully prepared that I would have to hold her down for this and I got ready. But then another lady came in and looked at me like "What're you standing there for?". So I moved to the corner and like the chicken I am, covered my ears. They gave her all the shots at the same time. Or at least 2 of them at the same time. I wasn't watching.

Eliana started crying, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. She cried for maybe 5 minutes and then fussed a bunch. She slept alot yesterday and fussed almost the whole time she was awake. She slept through last night, so at least it didn't break the night sleeping. And for that I am truely grateful. She's still really fussy today, but I'm giving her lots of extra attention and love. Her actual appt is next Wednesday. I'll update more weight/height/percentile crap then.

I had my PP appt yesterday afternoon. I know this is usually done at 6 weeks, but the doc's office sucks sometimes, so this is when I could do it. My incision is healing nicely. I now have birth control pills. I still have 18lbs to lose to get to pre-pregnancy and even more to get to where I want to be. That's ok though since apparently my scale at home is reading 5lbs heavier, so I felt better than I thought I would. Yay me. All in all it went fine.

I've also decided to take a pic of Eliana every month next to the same stuffed bear as sort of a comparison thing. I missed 1 month, but I'm starting now. The bear is big, so I know it makes her look smaller, but it's for comparison anyway. It'll be better next month.

I'll also be posting more pics in a few weeks. We finally got her pics taken by someone who gets paid to do it. They should be ready in 2 weeks and I have to say, she's adorable in them. No big smiley pics, but cute anyway. Maybe the smiley pics will come next time.

You're all updated. I'm done now. The end.

The purpose of a rear-view mirror

2007-09-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

God chose not to give us eyes in the back of our heads. I have to say, if there's ever an upgrade I'd totally go for it. But in the meantime, the car industry has decided to put rear-view mirrors on cars. This is so that you can see behind your vehicle. It comes in handy for situations such as changing lanes, parallel parking, and MAKING SURE THE GARAGE DOOR IS OPEN BEFORE YOU BACK OUT.

Tony sucks.

So now I have that stressing me out. Except I don't since my exact words were, "You deal with it and I don't want to know." Still sressed, but at least now I don't have to come up with a solution.

I guess if I'm looking for a silver lining, it's that the car didn't go all the way through the door. And no one was hurt.

The crappy part is that we rent. Shit shit shitty shitness.

Reason #43 that someday my daughter will throw me in a home.

2007-09-14T21:34:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's a poopin' video. Wonder if someday I can make up for this by buying her a car? Any chance?

Shhh...Don't tell Tony

2007-09-12T11:39:00.000-05:00

I complain about cleaning all the time. Who doesn't? In fact, when I was younger you couldn't get to me to clean anything. My room was always piled high with clothes. For a long time I didn't know what color carpet I had. It was that bad. I have 3 sisters and we once shared one bathroom (so I can't be blamed alone). There was once a mushroom growing out of wet clothes on the floor. Do you know how long that must have taken?? Just thinking of it now makes me want to gag.

My secret is that now, I like cleaning. It makes me feel productive and proud of myself. And I HATE admitting this, but it makes me feel like a good little wife and OMG I need to move back to the 50's. Don't get me wrong, Tony cleans too. In fact, most wives would be jealous of me since Tony can sometimes clean more than me. But the way I complain about doing it all the time, you'd think it was going to cause cancer or something. Am whiny.

If Tony knew I really don't mind as much as I let on, he might expect to me do it more often (as in, when I don't feel like it cuz am still lazy) or, God forbid, NOT complain. No No, he must never find out since taking my right to complain is like taking my ice cream. I will shoot you in the hand if you take my ice cream. Too bad he could actually, possibly, maybe READ this blog.

The 30 seconds that aged me 30 years

2007-09-11T18:38:00.000-05:00

She was choking.

Eliana has been in a great mood all day. She's been smiling more, fussing less and pretty content to hang out and play by herself. It was time for a nap, so I laid her in her bassinet. She was quiet and happy. I couldn't stop staring at her. Normally when she's content to lay there, I would run and eat or pee (both of which I had to do at the time), but she just looked so cute I wanted to talk to her and make faces at her to get her to smile.

Then she choked. It happened so fast and I don't know what she choked on (spit-up, I assume). I picked her up and started yelling at her to breathe. I don't know how I got to the other side of the livingroom, but all of a sudden I was there. I hit her on the back. Nothing happened. She looked panicked. Like I wouldn't be able to help her. I hit her again. She let out half a cry and that was all. She was breathing and acted like nothing happened. I don't know if I was more relieved that she was ok, or freaked out that she almost wasn't.

I sat on the chair and held her tight and cried. I cried when I called Tony, cried when he came home, crying now. I know she's ok. I know this probably happens to alot of babies and I know that it might be worse in my mind than it should be because I'm her mother. But all I keep thinking is that she could have died. What if I had gone to the bathroom? What if I had gone to make something to eat? What if I hadn't been there when she made that barely audible choking sound? I keep playing it over and over in my head.

I didn't eat or pee until Tony got home. She's still in a great mood. Still smiling more and fussing less. I'm still scared to leave the room, but I know it's not practical to think I can stare at her for the rest of her life. I just thank God I didn't leave the room. And hope I'm always there when she needs me to be.

Because baby poop is not enough

2007-09-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

I went to the bathroom the other day and when I flushed it, it sounded funny. But of course I barely had time to pee in the first place, so there was no way I had time to actually check the toilet to make sure nothing was wrong with it. By the time Tony got home I had completely forgotten the whole thing.

Today I go in there to NOT pee. I noticed when I flushed that it didn't really work and since Tony was home I went out to tell him, This was about the same time that Eliana decided to scream her little lungs off and the binky fell on the floor, so I had to get a clean one and you get my point. So I forgot about the toilet. Again.

A little later (as in 20 minutes ago) Tony come up to me and says, "You know you could flush the toilet." I informed him that it was stopped up and I meant to tell him ealier and just shut up and fix it already. So in we go. After lifting the lid, Tony informs me that he's not fixing it eww gross nasty the plunger will get gross and not fixing it. "Ok, what exactly are we supposed to do? You HAVE to fix the toilet cannot go without toilet." Tony the replies with, "When hell freezes over". What a handy guy I have.

So I grab the plunger and plunge for a good long time. Want to make sure I got it all. It is gross and nasty and ewww. I then flush the toilet and OH SHIT!

Me: TONY TONY TONY OHMYGOD IT'S COMING UP WHATDOIDO?????

Tony: TURN THE WATER OFF!!!

Me: WHAT WATER? WHERE? OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!!!

Tony: THE WATER!!!! QUICK GET THE RUGS UP!!! TURN THE WATER OFF!!!!

(I should mention here that Tony is out in the hall holding the baby up for protection. Little chicken.)

So I get the water turned off and thankfully, it didn't overflow. It tried to though. Right to the very top. So it goes down. I plunge for 5 minutes, flush with fingers crossed, say prayer and all is flowing again. Hooray. I am awesome. Tony sucks ass.

The end.

You know you're tired when...

2007-09-06T00:37:00.004-05:00

Tony: You know I could always get another Master's the next time I'm on shore duty through TA (basically: blah blah blah blah and also blah)

Me: Why?

Tony: I dunno

Me: You should just get a PhD.
Then you could be a doctor.
You could be Doctor Tony!
Then people could call you 'Doc'!
And you could come home from work and I could say "What's up Doc?"!
And then I could give you a carrot!

*crazy giggle starts*

Tony: I like carrots. *long pause* *blank stares* What were we talking about?

Me: I may possibly blog this.

Oh how I've missed you

2007-09-04T22:59:00.000-05:00

My cable went out today. Also, cable internet. I thought it'd be like an hour, but no, it was all day long. They had to send someone to fix it. So I couldn't do all my internety type things OR watch TV. Sucky sucky day. And the baby slept. And the house is basically clean. So I had nothing to do all day long.

I have this blog idea I've been toying with for a while and I plan on writing it (have started, in fact) once I figure out if I should post a certain video that my daughter may possibly kill me for someday. It's her pooping. I mean, she's clothed and diapered, so all you see is her very grunty face that will make you laugh.I just don't know if it would be appropriate to post or not. And without it my blog is much less funny. So until then, you get my blog of why I wasn't here. And the reason was no internet. Possibly aliens.

Nothing Better

2007-09-01T22:06:00.000-05:00

I gave Eliana a bath. Tony dried, lotioned, diapered, and clothed her. Then I fed her while Tony read her a story. Now I'm sitting here listening to the monitor while Tony hums her to sleep. Life doesn't get any better than this. And now I think instead of playing with the internet, I'm going to snuggle with my family. Tomorrow I'll write more.

Feeding: Take 2

2007-08-30T07:58:00.000-05:00

When Eliana was 4 weeks old, I decided it was time she had her very first bottle. I still wasn't quite sure about pumping, so we made a little 2oz bottle of formula. Tony gave it to her while I cried a little in the other room. (I didn't cry because it was formula. I cried because it was different.) She took it fine and Tony was happy (hence the lactating dreams) and I got over the new-ness of it all.

Then Tony went to Virginia. So she didn't get a bottle for almost a week. No big deal. When he got back he picked up the nightly 2oz bottle of formula (soy since she's a gassy girl). I never thought that 2oz would make such a big difference, but it did. My sweet, little, happy, sleeping through the night angel was NOT HAPPY. She was fussy and crying and by the time Tony got home from work I was ready to shoot myself. She still basically slept at night, but instead of 5-7 hours, it was 3 hours and then 4 hours and I know all you moms out there want to slap me but shut up it's my story. I was very used to her sleeping through the night. Change is hard. So bite me.

Anyway.

It didn't occur to me that it could be the tiny little 2oz bottle of formula. I just assumed it was some new baby phase. We decided to stop the formula so I could start pumping (still not going well, by the way, but will be buying a better pump this weekend). As soon as we went back to boob-only baby, it was amazing. She's happy. She sleeps (7 hours last night just so you know and you can totally want to slap me for that). The whole thing lasted about 3 days, but mommy-memory isn't reliable. 3 days can feel like 3 years and 3 years can go by in a minute.

So we're going to avoid formula for the time being. I'm not opposed to all formula, I'm opposed to THAT formula. And, also, afraid of it. I'm going to work on getting pumping figured out so Tony can give her a nightly bottle and hopefully all will be well. I'm so glad I have my smiley baby back. I missed her.

Dreams

2007-08-27T10:40:00.000-05:00

I had a dream the other night that I was the commander of a Navy fleet. There was a submarine that we were trying to get to our area so we could get these bombs or missiles off and use them. So we were trying to keep it from being sunk (Tony says subs are supposed to sink and duh, but I meant sunk to the bottom of the ocean and not coming back up sunk). We got the sub to where it needed to be and I made a destroyer go pick up the bombs or whatever they were. The end.

When I woke up Tony told me he had a weird dream. He said he was lactating. And breastfeeding. I asked him if he had big boobs too. He said he didn't and he just did it with his normal man nipples.

I wonder if we intercepted each other's dreams? Or maybe it was like "A Day in the Life of...". Either way totally weird. And awesome since I can say "My husband dreamt he was lactating." which is possibly the funniest sentence ever. Go ahead. Say it.

Squeaky Clean

2007-08-24T12:47:00.000-05:00

We are much better today. Woke up smiling. Hooray. Also, Tony's working through lunch to come home early. He is awesome. Except at 4:30am. Don't even try talking to him then.

Eliana had her very first bath in a real tub last night. I expected what ever new mom expects (a screaming, kicking, purple-faced, pissed off baby). I did not get that. She fussed for 2 second as though she was saying "This is new, I don't like new". Then she was fine. I think she was just confused most of the time. By the time we were pretty much finished I think she decided she didn't like it. That's when the yelling, screaming, purple-faced-ness started.

Eliana: WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! (hatethissomuchgetmeoutofhere!!!)

Me: Ha! You're too late cuz we're done and that crying won't work on me! (sogladwe'redonethatwouldhavetotallyworkedonme)

And yeah, I blurred out her girly parts. But I don't want to get arrested for child porn or something. I think I watch too much TV.

Then we got her all dry and lotioned up with the clean diaper and clothes. I fed her and then Tony cuddled her and then zonk. She was OUT. Baths are my new best friends. She slept for 5 hours. I'll take it. Then she woke up, got changed, ate and slept for another 4 hours. Hooray!

And then she woke up smiling. Have I mentioned being a mommy kicks ass? It so does.

Bad night

2007-08-23T12:13:00.000-05:00

This will not be one of those posts I think fondly of. It's the first one that won't be happy/funny/normal. We had a bad night.

Ok, really, it wasn't a bad night. It was a bad moment. And I hope I never have one like that again.

I get now what people must be feeling when they lose it. I can't say I understand exactly why it happens. I'm sure the trigger is different in every situation. And maybe sometimes there isn't even a trigger.

I want to add here that nothing bad happened. Eliana is fine. I'm fine. No one was ever in any danger of being not fine. I never yelled or shook her or even held her too tight. She wouldn't sleep for more then 10 minutes. And it was 4 in the morning. I got frustrated and told her to shut up. I didn't yell it or anything. After I said it I felt bad. I put her down and took a minute to process.

This morning I didn't feel bad about it. I thought I'd feel guilty, but I don't. I think it's because I can't believe it was ME. It seems like that was some different person.

I wish Tony had been here. I'm grateful nothing bad did happen. I never thought I'd be capable of any kind of mean-ness towards my child. I'm glad Tony's on his way home. I'm glad I'll have someone to rely on when I get frustrated. I'm also glad I was alone with her. I'm glad she didn't sleep well and I'm glad I got to feel frustrated. I'm glad I know what it feels like to almost lose it. I'm glad I was able to prove to myself I can handle being alone with her.

We'll be ok now.

Smooshy

2007-08-22T16:04:00.000-05:00

Don't mind the baby talk. But, you know, she IS a baby.

Smooshy

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Ahh to be 19 again...

2007-08-21T18:07:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday. I am 27. I went out to lunch with a friend and told the waiters/ess that I was 19. I'm sure they believed me.

I'd like to say that today is special and filled with presents and well-wishes and perhaps a party, but it's not. MyTony's in VA. I did get a balloon from the lunch friend. That's pretty much it. I'm ok though. It's Tuesday. Who has a party on a Tuesday?

I have big, important news. We've gone wireless!! Eliana's stupid, ugly, cockroach-looking cord FINALLY fell off last night. Of course MyTony missed it, but I put it in a zip-lock bag for him to see. No, I am not saving it. That's gross. And if you saved your kid's cord, then you're gross too. Cuz eww. MyTony will come home and look at it and then we can throw it away.

And bath time! I'm saving the first bath for when MyTony gets home. I don't think he should miss it and someone's gotta take pictures. I figure she lived 5 weeks without a bath, another couple of days won't hurt her. And then you all can have cute-nekkid baby pictures. But until then:

Virginia is so LUCKY

2007-08-20T12:37:00.000-05:00

For those of you that don't know, MyTony's in the Navy. He has been for 6 years now (ok, almost 7 if you count that almost year of enlisted time in the beginning, but that was pre-me, so I don't count it.) (well, I count it since it makes the pay an itty-ish bit better). Anyway, we're on shore duty right now. It's our first one. It is awesome. No deployments, no missing the baby's birth and all the other day-to-day stuff. Love it.

But he had to go to a conference in Norfolk, VA. He left this morning. He'll be back on Thursday. Am sad. This is the first time I will be alone with the baby for more than just a normal work day (which is not even 8 hours cuz shore duty kicks ass). I'm really not worried about the 4 days he'll be gone. It's the 3 nights that terrify me. Eliana, like most babies, is fussy at night. It saves my sanity to hand her off to MyTony for a few minutes to compose myself. Even if I don't do it, I like having the option. My option is on a plane right now. Dammit.

Also, I don't sleep so good when he's not here. It was never a big thing before since I could stay up all night and sleep all day, but now there is baby. We don't have a strict schedule or anything, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work out or even be a good idea to change it all up this time. I'll have to suffer through. Hopefully I'll be so tired from whatever it is I do that I'll be able to fall asleep at night like normal people. Please please.

Now for scrunchy baby-ness. I ordered some Babylegs. Got them in the mail today. I seriously wanted to wake Eliana up just to put them on her, but I didn't. (I value the quiet so much more than I did pre-parenthood.) I even changed her diaper and fed her before putting them on her. It's all about priorities. Here ya go. Have a cute-fix you baby addicts.

Bugs and Poop

2007-08-19T21:50:00.000-05:00

I have a couple things to blog about. One is pretty easy to believe because everyone knows someone it happened to. The other is just plain weird. And both are true. Feel free to laugh, as it's one of my goals.

MyTony and I had a few errands (shopping) to do on Saturday. As we were walking into the mall, I got slapped. On the cheek. By a huge ass bug. It had to have been at least the size of a golfball. Maybe a baseball. It hit me so hard my earring fell off. Not a clip on. I lost the back to it. And my sunglasses fell off. And it hurt like a son-of-a-monkey. I had to make MyTony check to see if I was bleeding or bruised. I wasn't. But it felt like I should have been. Sentence fragments rock. Just so you know.

I was having a nice mother-daughter moment with the smooshy baby this afternoon. She was sitting on my lap all cute like. I heard her poop. Not a big thing since she's a baby and that's what they do. And this girl is good at it. Long and loud and gross. I waited a few minutes to make sure she was done. I laid her on the changing pad (on the coffee table right in front of me so I don't have to get up am lazy) when I felt something wet on my arm. Poop. On me. Also on her dress. MyTony got a new outfit for her. I looked down and poop. On my tank top (boob area). Felt cold on my thigh. Looked down and poop. On the bottom of my tank top going through it and my pants to my thigh. Gross. Not as gross as if it were someone else's kid, but still. I stripped down in the livingroom, finished changing her and took a shower.

Being a mom is so cool. And nasty. Fun stuff.

I missed a day

2007-08-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

So, for those of you paying attention, we were supposed to have bad weather. MyTony didn't even have to go to work. So that's why I missed a day. An unexpected bonus family day in the middle of the week! Shock! So we did errands because we are so cool like that. Lots of errands. Like all day with the baby. (Who, btw, is 1 month old today!! As opposed to the 4 weeks old she was 2 days ago and yes, there is a difference) And it went great! She cried maybe twice just long enough to let me know it was time to eat. And as long as we left whever we were IMMEDIATELY everything was fine. I did have to explain to MyTony 3 times what IMMEDIATELY meant. He thinks babies should be patient and understanding that he must finish looking through the clearance bin at the bookstore for the book he won't even read for at least 2 months. (That may have been the longest sentence ever) Umm...what was I talking about? Right, baby, got it. We changed her in bathrooms and the back of the car (ok, SUV, so lots of changing room) and fed her wherever we were. I have no problem breastfeeding in public as long as I'm not in the middle of everything and MyTony holds the blanket so no one can see until I get her latched on cuz I don't need all of Walmart staring at my boob. The baby slept all day long. Quietly. I'm telling you, people were jealous. She kicks ass so much.

I was at Target looking for burp cloths and this woman stopped to admire the squishiness of Eliana. I, of course, had to gush over her 4 month old little girl (who was so cute, btw and SMILED!..Can't wait till mine does that more often).

I'm good with gushing over other people's babies. I think I'm pretty convincing even if I don't mean it (but this time I totally meant it cuz SO CUTE). And I'm pretty good about accepting the whole "look how cute and tiny your baby is blah blah blah". It doesn't even bother me when they ask if it's a boy or a girl. I don't blame them since I have a habit of only putting the pink stuff on her at home and saving the yellow and green when we take her out in public. I like to confuse people, and what's more fun than the gender-guessing game? And they always think she's a boy. What's up with that?

Anyways, so this woman is talking to me about baby stuff and sleeping through the night, blah blah blah...you know, normal new mommy things. And it's nice. She gets it. Only, not, since she's a single mom and I have a MyTony who helps so so much. So she's got it 100 times harder than me. And also, my baby sleeps through the night (mostly) and hers at 4 months old still doesn't. I'm way lucky and I know it. So we're talking and MyTony's getting bored, so I'm trying to figure out a graceful way to end the conversation. I am not good at this. I tend to just find some shiny toy and say "Ooh pretty!" and walk away. I really shouldn't be allowed to talk to people. This is why I have so few friends. What I really hate is that I could totally have hung out with this woman. We could have meshed. I could have made my first mom friend that I didn't know before I was a mom. But I am a social screw-up. Bah.

The End.

Rocket Man

2007-08-15T12:40:00.000-05:00

We have reached a growth spurt. I think. I don't really know since I'm still new and so half of what I sound so sure of is just made up in my own head. But she eat ALL THE TIME and only sleeps for 5 minutes (yes, I'm exaggerating because if I told you the truth you'd tell me to shut up and be grateful and I AM so bite me I'm tired) at a time. I've been trying to compile a list called "Crap that makes the baby go to sleep so mommy can have a damn minute to pee". So far it's a short, but useful, list. Here it is.

1. Boob sedative
2. Laying on my chest and drooling
3. Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" played really really loud while swaying in the desk chair and singing in her ear.

The only sure thing is #3. It may not keep her sleeping for long, but as soon as he starts singing, she's quiet and by the end of the song, she's out. I love him. Shall buy him flowers. Shall.

Did I mention 4 weeks?

2007-08-14T20:07:00.000-05:00

You're not supposed to able to do this yet. You're too little and itty and young. This makes me very very happy and very very sad all at once. Also, good lord you're adorable and I would like to munch on your cheeks.

OMG 4 weeks NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

2007-08-14T13:51:00.000-05:00

She can not be 4 weeks old already! It's impossible. And do you know what this child did to commemorate 4 weeks? She spit up on my shirt, pooped on me, then looked me in the eye and smiled the biggest, gummiest smile ever. I love being a mom.

Here's the stupid crappy part. The child is 4 weeks old and she still has her cord. It will not fall off. The doc said the put alcohol on it 2-3 times a day. In the beginning, we never remembered. But we do now and still it is there every day, looking like a gross cockroach on my pretty baby's tummy. Yes I know it'll fall off when it's ready, but I'M ready now. I want to give her a real tub bath and take naked baby pictures to blackmail her with when she's 16. Every parent gets to do that and I wanna. So here it is, the thing that makes me different from everyone else: The Cord That Wouldn't Die

Sleeping baby

2007-08-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

The baby is sleeping. Hooray. The dishes are done, the laundry is done, the house doesn't look like crap and I'm gonna defrost meat for dinner in 2 seconds (typed that just so I would remember). Cept now I'm bored. I've blogged today and my life is just not interesting enough to have more than one new blog a day. So I figured I could copy and past an old Myspace blog. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Have some hormonal pregnant craziness to amuse you. Good times.

"I am the craziest person ever. Tony was nice enough to bring me home buffalo wings yesterday for lunch (after craving them for days). I reminded him to get LOTS of ranch dressing. I open up the box and there's only ONE ranch inside. I then proceeded to beat my fists on my thighs, cuss and scream at Tony and cry for 30 minutes. The weirdest part is that I was in a great mood before that happened and it didn't even feel like me. If this is just the beginning, I'm in trouble. "

Have some more:

"I am the weeniest weenie that ever weenied. Really, I am. I HATE storms. Especially ones with the Thunder. I Fear. If it gets too bad, I cry. Like real Fear tears. For instance, now. The power has been back on for about 15 minutes. Still Thundering. Still with the heart-pounding Fear. How in the hell am I supposed to be the not-scared-of-anything Mommy if I get all whiny cuz of a little Thunder?? In my defense, this storm thing really is sucking and I'm alone and stupid storm. Luckily, I am loved and Coty will keep me company on the phone until I am abandoned for food and tiny people. And also, Tony will come home and maybe bring donuts cuz the Fear, it is lessened with sugar.
The End."

And maybe one more:

"We used to have cats that would sleep at the foot of the bed like normal cats. Since moving here, they decided the floor was much nicer (which is fine with me since I was never a big fan of my feet being attacked at the brink of sleep). They had a little blanket all set up and like a good cat mommy I would wash it and replace it regularly. They have since decided that the blanket wasn't cutting it anymore and have started moving closer and closer to the bathroom.
This is not funny. I am a huge pregnant whale and must pee every hour on the hour starting at 3am. Yesterday night they had made their bed DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE DOOR. That's just mean. I did not step on them. I'm a good cat mommy.
I will no longer be a good cat mommy. This is war. Last night that damn girl cat decided that being in front of the bathroom door wasn't good enough. No, she needed to be DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE TOILET.
All cats must die...beware.
And now I shall have Mt. Dew for breakfast. Bad Mommy!!"

Ok, I now feel you sufficiently know me enough for now. The window to the past must close. Or else the flying monkeys might escape. Can't have that.

I have a theory

2007-08-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

I thought of a great something to write about and then I forgot what it was. Because I have the attention span of cheese. Maybe provolone. Probably spray cheese. Sad.

So instead of The Greatest Something To Ever Read About you get The Train Of Thought That Sabrina Fell Off.

I was over at CafeMom joining this group and reading all the intros and whatnot. Then I thought of something to blog about. It was deep and meaningful and insightful and all that shit. So I was coming over here to post about it and the cat meowed. I got up to let him in and realized I was hungry. I went to the kitchen for an oatmeal bar thing cuz it's easy to eat and doesn't require actual cooking and I realized I hadn't turned on the stove for the tea I was making. So I got my bar, turned on the stove and as I was eating my bar, I decided it wasn't going to be enough. I must have food and energy to breastfeed the baby. So I should be a good mommy and make spagetti and meatballs from a can. So I put it in a bowl and popped it in the microwave and OMG I'm going to forget what I wanted to blog about. So I grabbed a sheet of paper off the table and the conveniently located pen on top of the paper and wrote:

Because immediately after writing "I have a theory", I forgot what it was. I lost my theory. And it was a good one. Probably would have ended world hunger or stopped global warming. I blame the cat.

Everyday?

2007-08-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

Alright Coty..here's a blog. And holy crap I'm supposed to come up with something half-way interesting every day?? That's nuts.

So it's Sunday. The biggest thing about Sunday that's different from every other day is breakfast. I make an actual breakfast on Sundays. One that requires cooking. On the stove. I make a decent breakfast and I make it even better when Eliana sleeps long enough to let me finish. And she did. And it was yummy. Makes Tony remember why he stays married to me. I keep him fed. Most of the time. Ok, only on Sundays.

Eliana has HATED her swing since the first day we put her in it. I figured it over stimulated her since like a brilliant mommy I turned on the lights, music, and made it go as fast as possible that first day. Am smart. I tried again a week later and she still hated it. I tried again a few days ago and she still hated it. Ok, that last time I waited until she was hungry and had a dirty diaper to try cuz I figured that would be the best time since she was awake and did I mention I am SO SMART??? Anyway, the point: We tried again today. She was fed and clean and awake and she didn't hate it!! I turned the speed on low and only the lights on at first. She wasn't all smily and giggly (3 and a half weeks old, hello?), but whatever. She didn't cry. That's all that's required. It was a good day. Also, for those of you wondering, she slept 6 hours straight last night. My baby kicks ass.

I broke the sleeping

2007-08-11T19:31:00.000-05:00

Eliana is usually awesome at the sleep thing. No kidding. Be jealous. She has pretty much slept through the night since she was born. But last night the sleeping broke. Down at 12:15am (yes, we are night people), up at 2:30, then 4:30, then 5:30, then I don't know cuz after that my head exploded.

Here's what I'm thinkin'. Yesterday Tony decided we should take Eliana to his office to show her off. It was a Friday, so they're not really busy and other than a 10 minute meeting, there was nothing pressing going on. So we go do all that (of course she's a big hit cuz she is adorable and scrunchy) and decide that since it's a weekday and Tony's off early, we'll make it an errand day. It was great getting out and feeling productive and Eliana slept. I mean she SLEPT. All day long. Slept.

I was always told that if a baby sleeps good during the day, they'll sleep good at night. I don't remember who told me that, but they lied. She did not sleep good. Maybe because at night she does not sleep in her carseat while riding down the road, but is confined to her Pack-N-Play. And today she didn't nap well again. I have no idea if this means I get sleep tonight or not. Honestly, I rarely know what anything means from day to day.

I do know that this is Eliana 5 minutes ago:

And this is her now:

Catching you up

2007-08-09T14:34:00.000-05:00

I've wanted to make an actual blog for a while (I've been using my Myspace), just needed to come up with a name for it. So last night, I was dreaming about Eliana and how so cute and squishy she is and it hit me. She is step-on-a-bug-cute. That's a lot of cute. And since I'm sure this will be mostly a Mommy Blog, there ya go. I'll do more of an intro to me and my family crap next time, for now have some squish.